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| I admit it, I'm totally bored.
Now granted, I don't want to go back to being totally busy either. This whole one large experiment per week thing totally works for me. The other days I can analyze data, catch up on etocs and reading, and generally be a good lab citizen.
However, today... today I am so bored! I have completely caught up on my etocs. I have organized my email. I have been sitting at home all day waiting for the freaking FedEx truck to come deliver my turducken and I'm totally bored with it! Seriously, if my turducken was loaded onto a truck approx 5 miles away, how has it taken over 7 hours for it to get here? And I could potentially be waiting another 3 hours. What a waste of my day! Not to mention I cancelled my two doctors appointments this morning because I thought the likelihood that a package put onto a truck 5 miles away arriving within 2 hours was very high. wrong!
So what's not boring? The month of crazy is over. 6 large experiments, a department retreat, and 2 Wed-Fri trips in the month of October. Whew, glad that's over. Halloween was fun. Dr. bf and I went as health care protesters. I was a devil with a picket sign and a "button" that said "Palin '12." Nothing scarier! Dr. bf was a redneck with a $3 Walmart shirt that said "America" and had a big eagle on it and a spiky blonde wig. He also had a picket sign. The reactions we got were hilarious. I figured in a city like New Haven it wasn't much of a gamble to have politically left wing costumes making fun of the right although Dr. bf said we got a couple dirty looks... I'm assuming they were from people who didn't get our sense of humor.
Also not boring, we'll go to see a play on Saturday, the following Saturday will be our Turducken party, the Saturday after that is the Yale-Harvard game, the weekend after that is Thanksgiving, the Saturday after that hopefully my good friend from Boston will come down for a hockey game. Whew!
See, I can deal with craziness on the weekends if the weekdays are chilled, or craziness on the weekdays if the weekends are chilled, just not craziness all week. October was all week crazy all month. Hopefully November will be crazy mostly on the weekends.
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| This entry is a lazy copy of most of the email I wrote to Dr. bf's parents about the Science Policy Career Trip in DC that I was on for the past 2 days. Enjoy!
"My trip started Wednesday around 2:30 pm. Originally we planned to
leave at 3 to do a bit more work, but then I changed my mind to 2 and
it's a good thing too because if we had left any later I'm fairly
certain we would have hit traffic in New Jersey. We got to DC just
after 8pm and had dinner at a nice Lebanese restaurant. I had vine
leaves stuffed with lamb, beef, and rice which were served with tomato
slices and a yogurt sauce. It was very nice, kind of like Lebanese
ravioli! However, it was a little heavy, so it was not the greatest
start to my unhealthy trip. We arrived at the host house around 10:30
to find 4 very nice girls. They are all graduate students at the
University of Maryland. They were very friendly and hospitable and
there was plenty of room for the 3 of us to camp out in the living
room. They were almost too friendly such that we didn't sleep until
midnight with a 6am wake up time. It was very convenient to have free
lodging but not so convenient as we had a 40 minute metro ride each
way meaning less sleep. Also, I didn't feel comfortable ignoring the
girls to chat with Dr. bf in addition to not having privacy for talking
so that added to not being able to chat. We were able to send a
couple text messages and that was it.
The first day in DC was very full. We had an "orientation" at 8am
which was basically useless. There was breakfast which included
bagels and "triple onion" cream cheese. I joked with the others that
this will keep people from talking to me, which is actually what I
wanted because I had no desire to network. Our first stop was the
AAAS (American Association for the Advancement of Science, they are
the people who publish Science). I've decided that they are not
actually advancing anything. They proclaimed that it takes a "crisis"
and "public outcry" for anything in government to change. So I asked
them (strongly) how they could possibly think that American tendencies
away from innovation and selfishness regarding climate change is not a
crisis? They basically said there's nothing they could do because
they can't change people's morals and they can't stop Fox News. What
a lame answer! They did briefly mention something about their Project
2061 which is meant to inspire the next generation to pursue science,
technology, and innovation. My guess is it's a bunch of fluff and too
little too late.
After that the day improved. We met with a woman from the NSF
(National Science Foundation) who was much more honest and less fluff.
She said that as a Congressional staffer don't expect to have a
relationship much less a marriage. Do you know if Parliamentary staff
work as hard in Australia? DC seemed to be completely full of
workaholics with not much substance. It was informative but not
inspiring by any means. Then we talked to another woman who used to
work in Congress and now acts as a "translator" for R&D in the
automobile industry, ie. communicating their developments in
alternative fuels to politicians and the public. It sounds like a
decent role, however, she sounded like the type that sleeps 2 hours a
night in order to have time for her family and job and is somehow not
tired, so she didn't seem inspiring either. Then we heard from two
journalists, one who works on a blog called "Science Progress" and
another who publishes a magazine called "Issues" which highlights
science, written by scientists, meant to be read by politicians and
their staff. That seemed like a nice endeavor however he says it is
losing money. I asked them if there was any government support for
communicating science to the public as you'd think that tax payers
would be more proud of the way their tax dollars are being spent on
science if they could be proud of the science. They said I brought up
a good point. However, I doubt anything will change. Although there
is plenty of science available on our 300 TV channels and on the
internet, the point is, the general public is too busy watching the
balloon boy to learn about anything that would help us to grow as a
country. Oh well.
The last stop of the day was at the State Department. The man who
talked to us is the Deputy Science and Technology Advisor to Hillary
Clinton. He seemed very excited about recruiting scientists to the
State Department and said that there used to be a scientist and an
engineer at every single US Embassy, however those days are long gone.
I'm not sure really what a Scientist would do at an Embassy besides
process visa applications, but it was a nice thought and he seems like
a nice person. He seemed the least overworked of all the people we
met.
We had a quick lasagna dinner (no salad!) and then went to a Cocktail
Hour. It was too loud and disorganized as the DC organizer didn't
even go with us! Thus there were other DC types who showed up and we
didn't know who they were or that we were supposed to talk to them.
Whoops. Unfortunately we stayed at the bar longer than expected. It was hard to coordinate
since there were now 4 of us staying with the same hosts and we had to
wait for everyone to be ready. By the time we went to sleep it was
after midnight with another 6am start the next morning.
Although 2 of the girls were up at or before 6am somehow the other
girl and I completely slept through the alarms! It was 6:45 by the
time they decided to wake us up when we were hoping to leave by 7. It
was a complete FAIL! Luckily one of the girls was very familiar with
DC and thus we just skipped the "orientation breakfast," got our own
breakfast (which wasn't that great) and were on time for our first
meeting. We met with some Congressional staff, one who worked with
one of the main Senators working on the Senate Finance version of the
Health Care Bill. He was explaining the process and how now there are
2 Senate Bills, 3 House Bills, and by the time they reconcile all of
them it will be probably next June. Isn't that horrible?!? It all
seems so inefficient and seems that the big problem is that experts
are not writing these bills. In science, the expert writes a paper
based on data which is reviewed by other experts who make the paper
better by suggesting revisions or rejecting the paper if it is not
good. Why can't bills be like that? Oh I know, it's because people writing bills aren't experts as they are expected to wear too many hats. I asked the staffers if they
think their science background could contribute to making the process
better. They kind of shrugged and rambled on that that's just the way
things are and that incremental progress is as good as it gets.
Again, how uninspiring! I think Americans need to learn how to
protest more again as it seems we've pretty much completely lost any
motivation to oppose the status quo. Although I credit the AAAS for
organizing these Science Policy Fellowships which bring scientists to
Congress, what good is it doing really if their training in science is
not being used to improve the system?
We then went on to talk to a woman at the National Academy of Sciences
and that was also uninspiring. Although they seem foresighted about
predicting what needs to be done, I think their studies are not widely
read enough. I was also shocked to find out that they are not
government funded but are instead a non-profit which takes cases
sometimes paid for by government agencies. I think their name is
deceptive.
Last we went on a tour of the NIH. The campus was nicer than I
imagined but I still have no desire to work there. Then we heard from
a woman who is the Deputy Director of the National Institue of
Bioimaging and Bioengineering (NIBIB). She rambled on forever and
didn't really communicate anything on point besides that being a
director means you can stay in science without actually doing science
anymore. Lame. I mean, she didn't look overworked either and I guess
her job wouldn't be that bad, but I'm not jumping to leave science to
do that either. I guess the take home message from all of these
meetings is that they were informative, but all these types of careers
seem "alright" rather than "exciting." I guess if we can find jobs
that are "alright" that's alright, but I'm still hoping for exciting
and/or fun.
By the time we left the NIH it was almost 6 so by the time we got back
to our car it was almost 7. Then we sat in traffic for another hour
and also took a long dinner in Delaware so by the time I dropped the
other three girls off it was 2am. How exhausting!"
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| Is it healthy to think about science 23 hours a day? I think not. I don't dream about science (usually), and when I do, it's always a nightmare. We have been working way too much lately, and because of that waking life has been kind of a nightmare as well.
I didn't even get to relax when I took 3 days off to go to San Diego. Yes part of the reason I wasn't relaxed was that one day was spent interviewing. Yes it was more stressful than a normal interview because if I liked the lab it would have made my two body problem much more complicated. Yes there is a 3 hour time difference between CT and SD and that kind of jet lag isn't so great on a 4 day trip. But still, I needed to relax! And I didn't. FAIL.
I did like my food though, don't get me wrong. I liked that In-N-Out that I sought out until 11pm Wednesday night when I arrived (so worth it! and why aren't there more In-N-Outs in SD?!?). I liked the "it's not going to be like LA" Thai food that I had with two friends I met up with for dinner after my interview Thursday night. I liked the Japanese food in West LA for lunch on Friday with one of my favorite people from college (so worth the 6 hour round trip! seriously, not relaxing to be in the car for 6 hours, but still totally worth it). I liked the poncy Mexican food we sought out once Dr. bf arrived Friday night, even though it was so overpriced and Dr. bf's dinner was even less worth it. I really really liked the breakfast we had at Hash House a Go Go (smoked salmon scramble with brie, tomato, and pesto... yummmmm!!!!) and loved the company of another one of my favorite people from college with his fiancee. I tolerated the chain restaurant lunch with my relatives but liked introducing them to Dr. bf. Thankfully no politics or religion came up. Whew. And the hors d'oevres at the wedding were very tasty! It was wonderful to see one of my favorite people from hs get married to a guy who seems very sweet and caring. I can't wait to spend more time with them in the future.
So, I ate a lot of food, but I've been working far more than I've been eating so the net feeling has still been stress stress stress. I have another long experiment tomorrow which will require me to be on the Expensive Machine all weekend (12 hours or so). Not Cool. Then I have to prepare and do another experiment on Monday with more time on the Expensive Machine Tuesday night. Finishing the experiment Wednesday morning will then be followed by approximately 6 hours of driving Wednesday afternoon/evening. Too much going on. I'm looking forward to learning more about Science Policy Thurs-Fri, but absolutely can't wait to get home Friday night so I can finally veg out!!!
I know that Academia can be a very satisfying career, but I just don't know if I have the commitment to have a chaotic life like this forever. A part of me just wants to know what it feels like to work a normal 9-5 with benefits. A bigger part of me knows that if my life was spent being a cog in a corporate machine where the rich were getting richer and I wasn't really valued, I wouldn't be happy. And really, aren't all scientists some sort of cog when it comes down to it? I don't know what the answer is. I guess all we can do is take it day by day and try to make the best of what we're working with.
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| And why was there no chocolate covered bacon?!?
So I've been living in New England for 6 years now (grumble) and I had yet to make it to the Big E. For you non-locals, the Big E is like a giant county fair which serves all the New England states. I really wanted to go so I got tickets from AAA to force us to go and not flake out for the 6th Fall in a row. After going I've got one word:
Overrated!!!
I can't believe this crap serves 6 states!!! What the hell?!? I'll diss on the OC until I'm blue in the face but I have to say the OC Fair is at least as good if not better. Did I mention there was no chocolate covered bacon?
And another question, since when do Boyz II Men (performing with only 3 of their 4 original members) still have a fan base?!? We went to the Big E specifically today hoping to watch the free Boyz II Men concert. We showed up 15 minutes late only to find the gates locked and guarded. Apparently they reached capacity at 6pm for a 7pm show and the first people started camping out at noon. What?!??!?! Seriously, not a big deal. I was sad to miss the show but the reality is I saw them for free on the New Haven Green a few years ago and apparently they were also in Stamford recently. They sure do get around! Did I mention the deep voice guy isn't even around? And he is clutch.
Anyway, we did enjoy the replicas of the state Capitol buildings and the vendors inside where we sampled beer from Vermont, Maine blueberry pie, Massachusetts cheese (with macaroni), and RI made lobster ravioli (with bonus points for style for serving it in a margarita glass). We also tried the "famous?" Big E cream puff (which really didn't need that much whipped cream in the middle) and saw some nice farm animals including newborn chicks (so cute! so almost dead looking!).
It was a good excursion but probably one I won't be repeating. So those of you who have it, cherish your chocolate covered bacon. Maybe I'll just make my own.
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| The past week has been insane. I am a graduate student at Yale located at the Medical School and thus was two blocks away from the building where a fellow graduate student was strangled and stuffed in a wall in an animal facility. How do you even start to discuss an event like this?
Life.
Her life seemed like and was portrayed as really really awesome. Now granted, I'm sure her life was not perfect, but she pulled it off decently. I didn't know her, but we did see her on the shuttle at least once a week. We live in the same neighborhood. She was always well put together: nice hair (even when it was in a ponytail), makeup done (from what I can remember, although some of the photos the media stole from her facebook show her without it), and nice clothing. She had a huge rock (according to another friend who takes the same shuttle to work) and was very excited about her upcoming wedding (the same friend overheard her chatting about it on the shuttle on more than one occasion). Our perception of her was actually very different. We referred to her as "pouty girl," because she always had this snobby looking pout on her face, the "I'm so much better than you," type of pout. I guess we were wrong. It was only after she was reported missing that I noticed we have mutual friends on Facebook and thus I had access to her Facebook page. I liked her status updates: they were silly... and sometimes hyper. Other than the impression I get that she's right wing (she "liked" a link on FOX nation and was also part of a group called "stop ACORN"), I almost think we might have gotten along. Now we'll never know.
Death.
People react in different ways to death. Some people were really upset at the beginning when we first found out she was missing, but had no idea what had happened and what would come of it. I became more upset recently knowing what the prime suspect looks like and after the cause of death (strangling) was revealed. Instead of imagining what might have happened, which felt more like a fantasy, I now picture what likely did happen and that creeps me out. The suspect looks so normal: what could have possessed him to strangle this little (size, not age) girl?!? It makes no sense. It's awful. She never made it to her wedding. We'll never see her on the shuttle again. And after having your life cut short the last image you see is the loser who is strangling you?!? That makes me so upset. She'll never have grandkids. She never had kids. I don't even know if she wanted kids, but she never had the chance either way. And how must the fiance and the parents feel? I can't even imagine. I've never lost someone close to me before, much less in such a gruesome and cruel way. I can't even imagine.
Fear.
Despite the fact that the prime suspect has been arrested, I am still afraid. I wish, I WISH he was some creep off the street and that this was a random act of violence. Then Yale and New Haven could just beef up security. But this, this was so much more creepy. This guy, if he's the murderer, had no record. He did have an incident with his hs gf and may have forced sex on her, but she did not press charges. Oh match point: sometimes it goes over the net, sometimes it doesn't. Maybe if she had pressed charges, Yale would not have hired this fuckwit, and the graduate student would still be alive. SHE WAS JUST DOING HER JOB! HOW COULD SHE HAVE PREDICTED THAT SHE WOULD BE STRANGLED TO DEATH IN AN ANIMAL ROOM?!? It's so creepy. If this very normal looking guy is capable of murder, what's to say any average Joe walking down the street (or working in my lab building) couldn't do the same thing to anyone. They say it wasn't a random act, but the reality is we don't know what would have caused him to act in such a way, and until we do there is nothing to keep me from thinking it couldn't happen to me or someone I care about in Anytown, USA. Contrary to the media's portrayal, the crime rate in New Haven had nothing to do with this crime. That is why I am afraid.
The Media Circus.
Going to work for the past week has been ridiculous. I've never seen so much media in my life... and I went to college in LA. Seriously, I know CT is boring and all, but these people need to get a life. LEAVE US ALONE!!! No we're not going to answer any questions because Yale already instructed us not to. I can't even imagine how her family feels seeing her face plastered all over the local news for a solid week. The publicity was fine when we thought she was kidnapped, but once it became evident that she never left that building where she was eventually found they needed to show some respect. I know it's their job and I know it's a business and like any other business the goal is to make a profit (respect to my friend from college who does local news), but seriously, they needed to lay off for the sake of her loved ones; they don't need to be reminded of her murder. I admit I was mildly entertained by the quotes from the myspace blog of the fiancee of the suspect, and that I needed a good laugh in order to not be hysterical from fear, but it still wasn't cool. I'm so glad they're gone. Hopefully they won't return for the trial. Nothing to see here. Let us kill animals in peace. And please don't start any stories that the murder was a result of a dispute over animal abuse, the last thing we need is P.E.T.A. out here hassling us when we are far more regulated than most chicken and pig farms.
Needless to say I haven't gotten much work done over the last week. I had to put together my most recent data for a big meeting with my boss where *eek* I was going to make the case for graduation. However, my most recent experiment (the long 8 week kind) was not optimal and based on the early timepoint, the next batch is even less promising. Thus, I came to terms today with the fact that although I "could" graduate in spring, it's in my best interest to delay. It's a blow to my ego, but I'll get over it. The thought of putting together a half-assed thesis under a time crunch just doesn't sound like a good idea to me. I don't work well under pressure, so I'm going to take it slow. I'm 95% confident that I'll still graduate and have my papers submitted on the same timeline I orginally planned: Estimated departure from New Haven - late Dec 2010. Hopefully fear will not get in the way.
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